Haggard

Looking at my life, looking at my choices today.  

I've been running myself a little ragged lately.  Maybe eating the wrong foods...starting the day with the best of intentions and not really following through.

Sleep has been a little elusive and combined with my new neighbor who is a drunk asshole that likes to have a disco sing-song at 3 in the morning on a school night.



And I think I'm a little dehydrated.

And stressed.
                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                            And the emotional wash cycle of my life seems to be stuck on either drain or extra spin. SUPERLOLZY THUMBS UP TBH.  

So aside from working two jobs, attempting to spread my schedule between sleep, friends, training for a 10K, normal gym time, and write my book...I seem to be spread a bit thin.



On my way back from training at work today one of my colleagues pointed out that I looked haggard.

To be fair, he also caught me mid-yawn, so my eyes were kinda welling up, and my nose was probably red.

Not exactly my good side.

I should have made some catty comment about when to keep your mouth shut and HOW VERY DARE YOU, SIRRAH...but I didn't.

Because he was right.  I looked like shit.  My hair was dirty and a mess, the make up I was wearing was lazily put on in the back of this morning's taxi.  I have been drinking diet soda non-stop, and the bags under my eyes would probably exceed the size allowable for most carry-on luggage.

So this evening I spent some time on me.  I am forever obssessed with make-up trial runs for important events/photos.  This evening's theme was my passport photo, which I'm gonna try and have taken this weekend.

And, I don't think I look so haggard now.  :o) 

Seven Devils

Kinda obsessed with this song at the moment.  I know it was used for the Game of Thrones trailers...but omg it fits my WiP perfectly.

The Psychology of Goal Setting

It's mid-January...

...and how many people have set a resolution or goal?

Lose Weight.

Stop smoking.

More organized.

Learn a new language.

Spend more time with my kids/partner/house plant.

Seek help for an alleged gif addiction.

etc etc etc.

It's hard stuff making huge life changes, especially when we as creatures of habit try to change our daily routine.

Sometimes, we forget that our routine is very deeply rooted.  Smokers, for example, tie a lot of their day around when their scheduled cigarettes are.  Get up, pee, cigarette.  First coffee, cigarette.  The last drag before you walk into work?  Breakfast, cigarette.  Lunch, cigarette.

etc etc etc

So perhaps stopping smoking isn't as easy as having the will to just say no.

Examining a goal on a smaller level will make it less insurmountable and easier for your brain to remap itself.

For example, my goal for this year is to finally empty my head of the novel that has been nagging me since 2009.  







Stop start stop start stop start.


Ugh.  







I have small projects I'd like to finish up, put those characters to bed and really devote most of my headspace to my novel.

I've been saying that same sentence for the last 6 months.  6 freaking months.

Easier said than done.  Currently I'm out of my writing habits.  I used to be able to bang out 5K words a week.  Now, I'm lucky if I can type out 500.

And it's all very well and good saying I can totally write say 75K words.

But that's A LOT OF WORDS.  and I'm a wordy bitch.

However, if I start my goal at say, 300 words in a week...I can slowly build up to a larger figure once I'm into my new routine.

So.  My goal for the next 28 days is to write at least 300 words each week.

Can't wait to get started...

lol what...I do not have a gif problem.  

Halloween and other things

So this year for Halloween, I went with the current Sugar Skull trend.  I've been studying this for months and have been planning this look.  I used no stencils and did all the make-up myself.

Rather pleased with the results, tbh.

So it's November, and the NaNoWriMo tweets are like wildfire on twitter.  Because I am still finishing prior commitments, I'm not able to officially start NaNoWriMo...but I may join in later on in the month if I can get some stuff done.  I really am looking forward to taking that first step...

Today is a weigh-in day as well...and seeing as I've not actually been to the gym for a week, I am so looking forward to it.  #sarcasm

not really.

Meh, took my eye off the ball and all that.  Really need to remember why I'm trying to better myself, and keep my goal in mind....

225 days and counting...

I'll think about it tomorrow.

Remember when you're a kid, and you have all these people you look up to?  And not simply because they're taller than you?

Y U SO EPIC, ZORRO?!

I was a weird kid...I wasn't allowed to watch TV when I was growing up, my mother and father making this decision when I was eight.  The last thing I watched on a school night was Mask of Zorro.  

Sigh.  Good ol' Zorro.  He had a sword, and a horse, and he stood up for what's right.  My younger brother and I thought he was beyond cool.  We spent an entire summer breaking off small branches from trees and trying to carve Z's into everything.  

As a Catholic, I chose a saint for my Confirmation whom I felt was someone I looked up to.    

St. Veronica wiped the face of Jesus while he bore his cross on his way to his crucifixion. Inside most Catholic chruches, the Stations of the Cross showing Jesus' story from his condemnation to Crucifixion are generally displayed around the inside.  St Veronica is Station 6, holding her cloth with the face of Jesus imprinted on it.  

St. Veronica is a hero to me for her compassion, her bravery, and her impulse to comfort a man on his way to death has always been inspiring to me.  

This year has been incredibly stressful, for all sorts of reasons.  Rather than go into the whys and hows, I'll go into how I've gotten through some rough times.  

This chick, right here.  

And not just Vivien Leigh's portrayal, but Margaret Mitchell's creation.  Sure, one could argue that Scarlett O'Hara is incredibly selfish, and at times childish.  

But girlfriend went through some hard times.  And came out on top!  She survived through the traumatizing years of the Civil War, where her peers, her parents, and even her home were taken from her.  She made it over each and every hurdle life threw at her, and one phrase seemed to get her through all of it.  

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.

The logic is so simple, but it really is a gem.  When life throws so much at us, it's easy to get caught up in how stressful and chaotic it can be.  But if there's literally nothing that can be done about a specific issue then and there, there is no point in throwing an Aunt Pitty-Pat fainting episode over it.  

Compartmentalizing the stress makes dealing with difficult issues so much easier.  It's made me stronger, and allowed me to be stronger for others rather than fall apart.  

Perhaps this may not be the most mentally healthy answer.  And I am aware that at some point or another I can only take so much.  

But I'm not going to think about that right now, I'll think about it tomorrow.  :)